Thursday, December 27, 2012

Maybe, (Possibly), Finally Getting Somewhere

Did I ever mention that I want to grow up? 
That I want to be where life takes us--family, the future? 

Well, I want it.

As I sit here, reading amazing little growing families' stories and pure joy, my heart aches for what they have. But my life isn't ready for it. I have so much more to learn about myself, about James. God will provide me with the greatest of happiness when it is supposed to happen. I type that but I still don't feel less anxious. Less, "Please God, please let us be engaged, married, etc.." It's terrible. I am so bad at enjoying the present. 

Could there be a better season for change. 

Yes, I am scared. I want to make a commitment to living 2013 in my life now. I want to enjoy my stinkin' last year as a teenager, because responsibilities just keep building and growing, and I will not have this freedom to pick up my life and go for much longer. My dad was talking with me on Christmas about how quickly this next part of my life is going to be; one second I'll be moving out, and the next I'll be moving into my first house. It seriously terrifies me. How can I expect for all of God's wonderful plan to be when I am constantly planning how I want life to go. 

Lord, please grant me Your wisdom and peace to live as You lived, and love as your Son taught us to love. I will never stop trusting You, and I especially trust that all of my fears, and anxieties will be washed away by Your grace and majesty.

P.S. here's a little bit of our weekending fun at the ranch...we seriously had the best of times (:

...P.S.S MY FIRST GIFS! Haha, okay sorry. but they're so fun!!

Oh! and Merry Christmas! Hope all had a blessed day, as the birth of Our Savior truly is a blessing.

Trusting in His will,


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