Friday, February 20, 2015

Delving Into the Beauty That Is Change

Spending time going through this blog has brought up so many nostalgic thoughts and romantic notions about the past. It has also reminded me of the fervor that I once spoke with. Revelations, renewed faith and inexplicable joy radiated from my soul, overflowing onto this journal. This was a mere two years ago--though when I look at that version of myself, it feels much farther away. The 19 year-old me was full of dread for new classes, but excited for the future. I thought I had come so far. That I had learned miles of lessons from life, and that I was solid in what I knew.

Hindsight.



Life has taken me by the face, and said, "Oh, little child, you think you've got this down? Watch what I've got comin' your way." And it brought it, folks.

A whirlwind of changes I didn't plan, want, or like one bit have been chasing me for over a year now, and its been heavy on my once overly-enthusiastic demeanor. The bumps I've traveled through have blown me at times, off course. And that is terrifying for the perfectionist in me. I've found myself in anger, jealousy, selfishness, and fear. I have found myself walking without any idea where I'm headed, and without turning to God. I was filled with despair.


I hope now, as this veiled time of my life passes, I can find solidarity in the truth. I pray that this Lent I will grow in my prayer with Christ, in the relationships I hold dear. There is an incredible opportunity for strength to be established in this new chapter.. Releasing how I had wanted to live out this time of my life, and taking the chance to place my trust in what God is working at.

Leading to Good Friday, I aim to live each day as it is placed in God's hands. Through going to maybe a daily mass, attending adoration, (and definitely seeking out confession). saying a rosary or a Divine Mercy chaplet, peace can flood my soul. A kind of peace that I know God calls us all to, one that lifts up the weak of spirit. Peace, that instills rebirth.





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